The Comeback

Just like Whitney, Mariah and Britney – I’ve had a lot of hits in my life – and just like Whitney, Mariah and Britney I’ve staged one or two highly manufactured but phenomenal comebacks.

Wikipedia: The word “comeback” describes the process whereby a public figure or entertainer returns to popularity after a period of decline. The term is predominately used in politics, sports, and entertainment, but can be applied to other areas of culture.

Now, I’m here to tell you that combacks are definitely NOT exclusive to politics, sports and entertainment – comebacks are for anyone who feels like they’ve hit a bit of a low.

I was introduced to the comback by a girl I was friends with about 10 years ago, her name was Priya (Priyanka to be exact) and she was a sassy, sexy, fabulous Indian girl who was bucking her culture in every way – she moved to NY and we lost contact but I will never forget her – she taught me how to stage a comeback.

For most of my life I’ve been very focussed on ‘the outside’ – I think I’ve actually used the way I look to overcome a lot of emtional stuff – I’ve really lived by a ‘look good, feel good’ kind of ethos. But I have learnt having ‘look good’ as a singular way to feel good falls short of the mark, it has merit but it’s shallow, it’s a bandaid. Don’t get me wrong, I ‘m still a massive fan of the ‘look good, feel good’ method – it got me though some really tough times.

After an emotional hit, you just wanna stay in bed, put your head under the covers and block out the world … and mostly you do just that, but eventually you have to snap the fuck out of it. So what’s the best thing you can do? throw on an outfit, put on some make up, do your hair – you ‘fake it til you make it’. What does that mean exactly? You make yourself feel good on the surface until your emotions catch up – time heals n all that.

I’ve been working on the inside with a Therapist for around 6 years now and I think the first 4 years were really about understanding how I got to where I was and how to deal with the day to day shit that just kept happening on a frighteningly regular basis.  About a year ago though, some stuff changed and everything  just calmed down, my life took on a ‘normality’ that I hadn’t really experienced for over 20 years.

So what did I do with this new found normality? Well I guess it gave me the opportunity to stand in front of the lifestyle mirror – take a long hard look at myself … and identify some things that I really didn’t like, things that just wouldn’t carry me through to the next phase of my life.

So here I am, feeling calmer, more together and more balanced and than I ever have –  the only thing is I’ve been much less focused on my appearance  … and due to the fact that I have been feeling less and less satisfied with the way I look over the last 6 months, I decided it’s time for an overhaul – a reinvention of sorts.

That’s where the comback fits in …. for a truly authentic comeback there must be date, a plan and a night out. Here I go, setting a date … 3 months is usually a good timeframe to make some changes … so …. 5^thNovember.  Also this time, I’m gonna do something I’ve not done before with a comeback, to make it a bit more interesting I’m going to align it with my next internet dating attempt (binge).

OK, so the date is locked and loaded … now I have to write the plan – which is really just a list … but I need a few days to work on it, so stay tuned …

Best Combacks EVER

• Mariah Carey
• Raybans
• Mickey Rourke
• Britney Spears
• John Travolta
• Robert Downey Jnr
• Rob Lowe
• Kylie Minogue

Out for a Spell

I’ve been internet dating on and off for the last 5 years – at a guess, I would say that I’ve been on 40+ internet dates.

I’ve used RSVP, e-Harmony, MyMatch, Adult MatchMaker, Oasis Active & PlentyofFish – I’m familiar with all the platforms, their bullshit marketing spiels, the positives and the pitfalls – I have a theory for each of them, which is mostly around why they don’t work and what type of guy uses each one.

My personal internet dating MO has been pretty much the same over the years. I get super enthusiastic, positive & hopeful, I throw caution to the wind and have a bit of a dating binge. In every instance this leads to disappointment, disillusionment and depression – like a friend once said to me ‘the only reason you keep hitting your head against the wall is because it feels good when you stop’.

When I reach the point of the three D’s I shut down all my dating site profiles and I have a spell – that’s where I’m at right now – having a spell. A little time to regroup and get ready for my next little binge.

So, I got in a cab on Saturday night, cute little Asian cab driver, this is how the conversation went (promise):

Steph : Can you please take me to Pocket Bar

Cabbie : You going out to party?

S: Oh, just meeting a few friends for a quiet drink

C : Girlfriends?

S : Umm, no gay friends

C : You never find boyfriend if you’re always with the gay men (giggles)

S : Have you had me under surveillance?

C : You looking for a boyfriend? You tried internet dating?

S : Yeah I’ve tried internet dating …

C : You’re probably too fussy! (more giggles)

S : Have you had me under surveillance?

C : Girls they look for the Big L … Boys they look for the big S … you got to find somewhere meet in the middle.

S : OK Yoda … what other advice do you have for me?

C : Maybe you should put yourself on eBay! Tell them you donate the money to charity, they think you have a big heart!! (laughs hysterically)

So the cabbie had two strong points … I will never find a man when I’m always hanging out with gay guys … this I already knew, he’s certainly not the first person to tell me that – he was however the first person to tell me that inside 30 seconds of meeting me. The status of gay men in my life is not something that I am not prepared to change.

So am I too fussy? Are my standards too high? Are my expectations out of whack? Am I trying to punch above my weight? I don’t think so …. but maybe – oh my god – maybe.

Here’s the thing – internet dating is back to front. All the things that would normally take time to discover about someone are there in black and white for you to read. So you like their photo, you like what they say about themselves, you engage electronically, an email or two, a phone call… you start to form an concept, you can’t help it …. And it can be a massive let down when you actually meet them. Ticks all the boxes – but doesn’t flick the switch.

When you meet someone naturally, you usually know straight away whether they flick your switch or not … then you gradually find out about them, it can take months to find out all the things that their internet profile will tell you in 2 minutes … but I think what happens when you meet someone naturally is that often ticking those boxes becomes less important.

But in the upside down world of internet dating, you need your boxes ticked first …

So, this is what I do … I use the same criteria each time …

• Between 42 and 47
• Over 5ft 11in
• Lives within 10km of where I live
• Doesn’t smoke
• Doesn’t want any kids (or more kids)
• Slim, Athletic or Average body shape
• Non-religious

Then I check out the photo(s), of course I have to think that they look a bit appealing … but they’re out if they :

• Clearly have no style
• Have their shirt off
• Have bad sunglasses on
• Have jewellery on (except for a watch)
• Are posing with a car or boat
• Are doing an extreme sport
• Have captions for their photo’s

So, that’s my process, I’ll consider anyone that fits the above criteria … do you think I’m too fussy?

Holdin’ Out For A Hero

 

A woman of my age has more chance of being diagnosed with cancer than finding a partner. That’s a sobering thought isn’t it?

I’ve been ‘truly’ single for almost 2 years now – but it’s been over five years since I’ve lived with a man, since I’ve been in a serious full-on long term relationship. My last relationship was over before it started really, I listened to my heart instead of my head and I tripped – it devastated me when it did come to an end though – you can read about how I didn’t handle it HERE and HERE.

Hello Fashion Mojo … It’s Steph, Are You There??

I lost my fashion mojo a couple of months ago and I don’t know where it went -  actually that’s not quite true, I have a vague idea … so I’m going to explore it a bit.  I’ve been remembering lately why I started writing … it helps me to get my thoughts in order, it’s a good way for me to analyse both my vague notions and my sweeping statements.

What a difference a year makes … or does it?

 

　

I’ve been thinking about writing over the last few months, it’s been a bit of a drip, drip, drip thought – and then I mentioned it to a couple of girlfriends.  We all know the rule : when you say it out loud, it becomes reality – it did, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and then I logged on and opened GetReal, my blog, my baby …. oh, how I loved you so!

My Old Friend Botox

When I sat down to write, I faltered, apart from the very obvious “because I don’t want to have wrinkles … why DID I use botox?”  I wasn’t entirely sure of the answer.

I’ve Had 5 Boob Jobs – Part 1

I was 21 years old when I fell pregnant with my daughter, prior to falling pregnant I had never really thought of my body in terms of what it looked like, I had never observed my body naked in front of a mirror.  I know that I was 175cm and 58kgs – I only know this because I kept my OB/GYN records.

 Side note for interest sake : my OB/GYN was Dr Graham Reeves – he had operated on me 2 years prior when I had an ectopic pregnancy … many years later he would be known as “The Bega Butcher”.

I’ve Had 5 Boob Jobs Part 2

 

A few weeks after the second surgery the girls were fine  …. But the other breast had capsulated, meaning that the scar tissue had grown so thick around the implant that it was squeezing down on it, making it appear and feel much harder than the other one.   Ah well, I lived with that … it was a lot better than the stockings with wet sand in the end.

Do I Miss Him?

 

 

Or do I miss having a man in my life? I’m not sure.  If I do just miss having a man in my life, does that make me ‘one of those women who needs to a man to make her happy’? and if it does, is that a bad thing?

You Want Them Smaller?

 

Just to refresh your memory, Part 2 of my boob job saga ended after 3 surgeries, and with me looking like a character out of a Play Station game …

Strangely after having 3 surgeries and most conversations about my boobs being of a medical nature, I stopped seeing them as sexual objects and started seeing them more like accessories.  I took compliments about them in the way I would take a compliment about a pair of  shoes  “nice boobs” – “yeah thanks, I got them in Woollahra” – “can I feel them?” – “sure” – “ooh they’re soft” – “yeah, top of the line silicones”.

 

Why Would Anyone Be Happy With Wrinkles & Tiny Boobs? Yuck!

 

I can’t really say that can I ? ( but stay with me … I’m going to bring this full circle)

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?

What becomes of the broken-hearted? The broken-hearted become someone else, a different version of themselves, they become guarded – vigilantly protecting their hearts from more pain, they make rules, and set boundaries, they’re world weary and world wise – cos baby ‘Love is a Battlefield’.  That’s what becomes of the broken-hearted.

My First, Last & Enduring Rock Star Crush

 

I have a confession to make, I am an INXS die hard. Michael Hutchence is my first, last and enduring Rock Star crush. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him – I was in Year 6, sitting in the lounge room with my parents and my aunty and uncle, we were watching Countdown – INXS appeared on the small screen, they performed  ‘Stay Young’ from Underneath The Colours –  that memory was was forever burned into my brain.

My Body Image

 

 

I want to talk about body image, mine in particular.  I have been thinking about my own body image over the last few weeks, not obsessing about it, just considering it, analyzing, reflecting.  So this post is about my opinion & my experience.

Why have I been giving my body image alot of thought? Two reasons.  The first is that I recently made the following statement or something like it : “I don’t think that a mother’s body image always has an impact on her daughter’s body image because I grew up with a mum whose negativity about herself was out of control, and I have always had a really positive body image, but my daughters relationship with food isn’t great ”   

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things

This is not a post about the Sound of Music. Relax.

It’s about my favourite things.  Your favourite things.  The things we simply can’t, or more correctly, don’t want to live without.  It’s actually really fun and interesting to sit down and think about your answers.  It’s really hard to pick just one thing for each category, but go with it, come one, join in!  I’ll start….

I Saw A Ghost

 

The last 7 days for me have been a bit tough emotionally, so after some soul searching, I’ve decided (on day eight) to fess up and put it out there for all of you.  For most of the weekend I’ve been feeling pretty freakin low, and today (Monday) I turned on my Netbook for the first time since Friday night.  One of the first things I did was email wollywally, because I had missed a call from her at some point over the last couple of days.  I just wanted to tell her that I was sorry I missed her call and to let her know that I’ve had my phone on silent & been sleeping alot cos I’ve been feeling like crap … and what do you think her response was?   “Maybe you need to write about it luv, you did this before and you felt better, maybe this is your way of healing that works for you?!”   Then she told me the force was strong in me, and said “Fear is the path to the dark side, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering”-  OK that last part didn’t really happen – but I do call her my Jedi Master, so I just ran with it a bit.

I Had A Tune Up

I had a Tune Up on Thursday … that’s what we call my visits to Therapist  -   I don’t go regularly anymore, just when I feel like I need to.  You know how you can feel it when your car isn’t running properly? That’s how my brain and my emotions get, so when I feel like I’m not running properly, I have a Tune Up! 

First I want to say unequivocally that I love my Therapist more than rainbows, he changed my life (and the life of Miss18).  I first went to see him about 3 and a half years ago, now  I’m not trying to play the woe is me card for one second, but I will set the scene, suffice to say, I have experienced more than my fair share of emotional trauma.   When he reminds me of how ‘together’ I am  by rattling off and counting  what he deems to be the emotionally significant things I have been through in the past say 17 years, and he get’s well into the 20’s … I’m pretty sure that means he thinks it’s a lot.

I Turned 41 On Saturday

 

Firstly, I strenuously object to being 41 … 40 was hard, but I dealt with it, and I haven’t minded telling people I’m 40, but 41 is just sticking in my throat.  I did tell my friends (who are all younger than me) last year that once I hit 40 I would start aging backwards, so really, this year I’m 39. 

I Met A Real Life WAG

It wasn’t my intention to write a post about this, but it’s been on my mind a little bit (in a good way) so here goes.

I went to a party on Saturday night, it was the 40^th birthday of a man that I love and adore – he just happens to be my BFF Lamia’s brother – that’s another story.  In fact I have a couple of significant stories from my weekend but I wanted to tell you this one first.

“Hey Underbelly Guy” – Cleo Bachelor Of The Year Party

Last night Charli and I went to the Cleo Bachelor Of The Year Party @ Zeta Bar in the Hilton – how seriously amazing are our mother daughter outings?

 The invitations came to us via my brother John, the company he works for provided the footwear for the bachelors –  always cool, Converse Chuck Taylors.  John was pretty disappointed he couldn’t attend himself (Chick Fest 2010), but he was excited to give us the tickets –  gotto say though, not quite as excited as we were to receive them!  He sent us both text messages before we left home telling us to have a great time and that he loved us … I’ll say it yet again, my brother is awesome to the power of find a freaking girlfriend John!

Now I’m going to start at the start and give you the highlights as I can …. It was by far the best night Charli and I have had together EVER!

Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters

 

There are very few ways in which I believe that I have failed my daughter, very few … but one of them happens to be a freakin doozy, I really failed her in a big way.

I failed to recognise the intensity of her grief over her dad’s death.  I didn’t get help for her quickly enough, I packaged up my feelings & locked them away, and she did the same – but they bubbled furiously below the surface.   

Unlikely But Amazing Friends

 

That photo is my beautiful girlfriend Tanya – I asked her to pose like that so that I could get her rings and watch in the shot – BLING CENTRAL!

Here is the story of our friendship …

In my previous role I was the  Internal Communications Manager for a 900 seat Call Centre … and I was drowning in work, so what did my boss do? He gave me more responsiblity and two staff.

Only that week, I was just about to go on 2 weeks leave, so the HR Manager interviewed and shortlisted, so that when I came back I basically just had a chat with them and say yes or no.

One of the roles was Events Manager – if anyone has worked in Call Centres you will know how monotonous the job is, so we did LOTS of other stuff to keep the staff happy and engaged.

I first met Steph when she was to be my Manager back in 2004. I was offered an Events Manager role and would be reporting to her. Steph didn’t hold the interviews so I wasn’t sure on whether or not I would end up being what Steph was looking for.

 I had heard many stories about the then Internal Communications Manager. I had never seen her though. I envisioned this older, short conservative looking lady. I had heard she was very good at what she did. I was extremely nervous about meeting her. Would she like me? Would she think i was suitable for the role? Or would she think I was a complete idiot?

Bloggers Without Makeup

 

Earlier this week I received a Tweet from the lovely Jodie over at Mummy Mayhem, the Tweet was directing me to a post on her blog called Bloggers Without Makeup and asking me  challenging me to participate.

I read Jodie’s post and it referenced my post here about Kate Walsh arriving at an event with a naked face, and WHO Weekly stars without makeup and her reasons for wanting to encourage others to bare their faces,  and well, I didn’t want to say yes but I couldn’t really say no. So I responded immediately that I would do it, so I didn’t have time to think about it & change my mind.

The Final Boob Job

So, we’re up to the final installment of my boob job saga, I’ve really put off writing this, procrastination domination to the max 5000.  And now after many of you have asked “where is part 4 – did I miss it?”  I’m forced to sit down and write, and deal with why I’ve been putting it off. (links to the other 3 parts below)

I’ve Had 5 Boob Jobs – Part 1

I’ve Had 5 Boob Jobs Part 2

You Want Them Smaller? (Part 3)

Therese says ‘Follow Your Dream’

The Sydney Morning Herald Reported

Therese Rein, the wife of Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, says women need to discover what they are good at and follow their dreams.

“Find yourself, listen to your inner voice, find out what you are good at, find out what you care about, what inspires you,” she said at the launch of The Modern Woman’s Anthology 2010.

“Act, take responsibility and follow your dreams.”

Ms Rein – a psychologist specialising in clinical depression as well as a successful businesswoman – said a common theme ran through the “remarkable” collection of stories by Australian women, including Olympian Cathy Freeman and Dr Cindy Pan.

“Whether it’s … being an athlete, pursing a career in music or social enterprise, the main thing is finding … something that you like, something that you believe in, something that you want to achieve, and you want to change,” she said in Sydney.

“And then … when you believe that what you are doing is totally worthwhile, it’s amazing how all this comes together.”

Ms Rein quoted a passage by Freeman, which she said gave a “remarkably honest insight into her own success”: “Every single cell in my body was dedicated to my dream, so there was never a sacrifice too difficult or an effort too great.”

But Ms Rein conceded not all women would have a “straight forward” direction or a “smooth path”.

“And that is where I found it is always important to have someone who believes in you, someone who is there until the end – a mentor.”

When I read this yesterday, I just felt pissed off, granted I was in a foul mood but fuck Therese, should ALL women follow their dream? CAN all women follow their dream? What would happen if every woman followed their dream? it’s just freakin unrealistic. What about those of us that don’t get to follow our dream, we’re left on the sideline wondering why we’re not good enough … feeling like we were too inadequate to follow our dream, did we not try hard enough?   What if you don’t actually have a dream? or what if your dream is to earn enough money to put food on your family’s table?

Randomlicious

 Welcome to the end of another week! woot woot!

 I don’t know if there has been something in the air, but quite a few of us having been having a bit of a shit go, maybe it’s just the onset of winter? maybe it was the full moon? 

 Aaaaanyway, based on that, and the fact that ‘Rantacious’ got more comments than any other Rant Post (ever), I thought it only appropriate to encourage everyone to say positive and uplifting things on Randomlicious (see even the title lends itself to all things lovely and fluffy and sugary) – so let’s try and shake off any bad juju over the weekend and get the positive energy flowing,  I feel a change coming on ….

Here are my Randomlicious Sound Bytes from the week  <3

After much deliberation, Ash and I have decided to award Beachlife with the Samantha Wills necklace!!  I’ll be in touch lovely …

Charli has had some big personal wins over the last week – very proud of her!

I realised that I had 6 x Therapy sessions to claim from Medicare this week – awesome $$ to get me through to pay day.

Final Net Hairspray is THE BEST hairspray EVER! – anyone care to challenge?

 I signed up for e-Harmony – have been receiving matches all week & last night I signed up on RSVP (again) – even if it doesn’t result in Man Quest 2010 success – it will definitely create some good post material!  Update to come next week.

I cooked twice this week – a pretty big achievement for me – I’m thinking of buying an apron.

 Off to the Races with my friend Lucy tomorrow, haven’t seen her since NYE – looking forward to seeing her sooo much!  Once we told these guys that we were hitting on (at Cargo Bar when it first opened – swish) that we were sisters, our parents were killed in a plane crash and we were raising our little sister (Charli) – I don’t think they believed us – but we thought we were hilarious!

Ice Skating with the Gays in Hyde Park on Sunday – I asked Damien if I could wear a skating skirt and a muff and we just ended up laughing childishly at the word ‘muff’!

I’m really enjoying comments from Jo @ Living Savvy and will have a Guest Post treat coming up next week from Jo – in the meantime, why don’t you head on over to Living Savvy and participate in Champagne Friday ( a great way to round-up the week ).

 A weekly tradition where we pop the cork on the week that was, celebrate what worked, reflect on what didn’t, and look forward to a sparkling new week of possibility. I hope you’ll join me and share your reflections – comment on Champagne Friday

Randomlicious Positivity … GO !!

Universal Truths

An email I received during the week got me thinking about Universal Truths, the things we all just know but never actually verbalise or properly acknowledge …. so I did a bit of web surfing and I found some that I liked. 

I thought it could be fun to come up with some of our own …. whaddya think – do you have any Universal Truths you would like to share?

Story Telling

 

Today’s Guest Post comes from RacheyV, a relative newcomer to Get Real, but it feels like she has always been here …

RacheyV writes ….

Last week after I made my way bawling and gasping through the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy I had a rather enlightening talk with my brother.  After teasing me for crying and pointing out every single thing that was wrong with that episode of the show he informed me that it was simply not “normal” for someone to get so involved with a TV show.  It was then that I realised something very real about myself (coincidently as Rory Gilmore famously said in Episode 22, Season 3 of The Gilmore Girls)

Really Dove? … Really?

In my post about ‘Real Women’ I said this (among other things) … 
 
I would like to quietly point out that  in launching their incredibly succesful campaign, celebrating ‘real beauty’, Dove sold us products to make our real selves more beautiful & products to help us to give our real beauty longevity (surely that’s a different discussion though).
 
I think it’s time for that ‘different discussion’ to occur because according to News Feed :

Are You Feeling Rantacious?

 

My rant ?  I just signed up on dating site e-harmony and it took over an hour !! I wasn’t feeling too harmonious when I finished …. 

My skin has broken OUT … everywhere …. think I need more fruit ! 

My skin is as dry as old boot leather …. think I need to moisturise ! 

It’s fucking freezing in Sydney !!!