Holdin’ Out For A Hero

 

A woman of my age has more chance of being diagnosed with cancer than finding a partner. That’s a sobering thought isn’t it?

I’ve been ‘truly’ single for almost 2 years now – but it’s been over five years since I’ve lived with a man, since I’ve been in a serious full-on long term relationship. My last relationship was over before it started really, I listened to my heart instead of my head and I tripped – it devastated me when it did come to an end though – you can read about how I didn’t handle it HERE and HERE.

So, I implemented Man Ban 2010, which was great in theory, a year off men to sort my head and my heart out. But in all honesty, it wasn’t really a total Man Ban cos I was going on the odd ‘casual (sex)’ date here and there, and I accidentally met someone that I really, really liked toward the end of 2010. I was a little bit wrapped in him and I thought the fact that we had the same birthday was some sort of cosmic sign – but he turned out to be a massive douche to the power of arrogant lying prick and he hurt me.  I’ve since realised via my new small obsession (Christopher Hitchens) that cosmic signs are a crock of shit, simply wishful thinking.

Aaanyway, believe it or not, I haven’t had sex since around about then – yep comin up to a year now! I convinced myself that my ‘casual’ attitude toward men and sex was ultimately going to bring me bad relationship karma, so ‘Man Ban 2010’ led into a new phase, a phase I like to refer to as ‘Holdin’ out for a Hero’ – he’s gotta be sure, and it’s gotta be soon, and he’s gotta be larger than life!  I don’t think my new phase requires any more explanation.  Oh, and I no longer believe in Karma either (thanks Christopher!).

So, where does someone like me go to meet a hero? Well, apparently the most common places to meet a potential partner are work, being introduced by friends or meeting due to a mutual interest (hobby, sport) – ok so yes, I work – yes, I have friends – I’m working on the hobby /sport thing, that one is a bit of a strugle – but I’m not ruling it out cos I want to increase the odds any way I can.

According to my friends there’s no doubt I’ll meet someone – that’s right – my partnered up friends are so confident on my behalf that I need not worry – they are positive I will just meet someone.  Of course it will happen one day when I least expect it to – thus the magic of romance – you only ever meet someone when you don’t expect to, or as I like to call that ‘the ridiculous well meaning lies your friends tell you’.

But what if I don’t meet someone? It’s a very real possibility. Thank god Therapist is a bit more of a realist, when I say to him ‘maybe I’ll be alone for the rest of my life’ – he says ‘I hope not – because you’re a really good person, but maybe you won’t find someone, it does get harder the older you are. That’s why you need to work at being happy and satisfied in the other areas of your life’ – apparently I need to find something (other than my job) that I feel passionate about. Another reason I started the blog again.

A couple of my friends are long time singletons – one of them is, as she refers to herself, a ‘spinster’ – and I admire the shit out of her attitude to being single – she’s amazing 5000! But doesn’t the word ‘spinster’ conjur up some fucked up images? Women have really copped the shit go in so many ways – cos Bachelors are sexy and suave and George Clooneyesque.   Anyway whatever, I need my head to be where hers is.

Look, I’ve enjoyed being single, my broken heart has healed, I’ve really gotten to know myself, made a few mistakes, leapt over some pretty big hurdles, watched my daughter make the transition from teenager to young woman, and firmly entrenched myself in an amazing new job (tick, tick, tick) – now I really really want a boyfriend!!!! (am I too old to use the word boyfriend?).

I want to have that someone you call when you need to say something important or completely ridiculous, that someone to hang out with on lazy Sunday afternoons, that someone to stay in with on Friday nights – to drink wine and eat takeaway with, that someone who knows that I repeat myself, that I eat in bed, that I love my shows, that I steal figs from Coles and that I’m completely neurotic but who still loves me anyway.

Please don’t read this as a ‘poor me’ piece – because it’s not that at all – I have a really good life that I’m grateful for every single freakin day. I’m not sitting at home wallowing (ok, sometimes I am) I’m just calling it out – putting it out there – and I’m gonna bang on about it.

Your’e gonna hear about my past relationships, my dates, my observations on men, what my friends think (don’t worry I’ll give you pseudonyms), what Charli thinks, what my Therapist thinks and what my brother thinks ….. and ultimately how I fumble my way through life.

Anyone know where the Justice League hang out?